THE MUSIC MAN (we are open for business)
So your heart's broken.
Wanna come back home with me?
Something tells me you need a little
TLC and I could be all three. But I believe
There's a fine line between recreation and relation.
I could illustrate it all on maps and graphs.
But it's a complicated enterprise to separate the intimate
Asides of the mind's inner arts and crafts.
I concede that against betrayal of the best in
Verbal assurance of affection is a test of
Genuine devotion on behalf of a half
Towards a half. That's math. Why do you laugh? I ask 'cause
Maybe you imagine that my pickup liner note’s
Just faking a jewel-case for practical joke.
Or that my day-job va-kay’s a tour-length road-spree
Where PTO's good for PYT. Please…
I see it on your face now. You're wondering
What exactly is it I'm proposing if I haven't any interest in
Expediting amorous relations such as might befit the
Natural ambitions of a ripe young man.
Well I have to confess, ma'am. I’m timid in large crowds.
But in my room with no one else around, no doubt
I’m bound to wreck your body when I turn the party out.
Maybe it'll help you understand to spell aloud. See:
We just met. And it's a pretty loud club.
I don’t fly by night ‘cause no one hit nightstand’s
A hand in glove. It just wonders. Plus I was
Raised on LL. I know "I Need Love" by heart.
Pardon if I pause at the part.
Excuse? “I Used To Love H.E.R."
And though diamonds are a “Girl’s Best Friend”, I’m po’.
So you know, “I Know”, you know, “I know”. Baby, I’m
Needing no assurance of your “Beautiful Skin”, but I can
Barely see in light so dim, and I can barely hear you
Over the din. So if you're in give me a pad and a pen.
Hell, I could put you in my Top 10 if you friend me.
Better yet, gimme ten. You can lay
Gazing into my eyes, CD cover on your pillowcase.
Digits deserve canvas and paint,
I’d settle for toothpaste if it wouldn’t erase.
There are places where we’ve stationery
Better than a napkin. Quick, don’t forget to hit
Me with “the at” for my email list.
Lipstick signature and goodbye kiss.
And that’s it. Catch you at the next show.
I gotta go, I gotta go, I gotta go.
All of my interests mesh messes and jest.
Even my best attempt’s only a litmus test.
Disprove the pessimist’s guess that I'll like you less.
And I’ll like you best.
One of the things that occurred when I began to, uh, just, you know, feel some changes happening…I was kind of still entertaining in gin joints, you know…and, uh, it was weird, to come out, you know, to all these folks…a lot of Shriners and hookers and salesman, which are the same as hookers, really…you had to find ways to break the ice, I mean...and I told them a poem…
And it goes…
Everybody takes their clothes off (believe that)
Everybody takes their clothes off (and then some)
Everybody takes their clothes off (uh huh)
Everybody takes their clothes off
And I'll do anything I can to insure, if it takes
Every little bit, that no one forgets
I'm taking my ass home with me, 'til I see
Everybody--I mean everybody--gets an
Honorable mention, an honorary MENSA
Membership, an honorary doctorate, plus
An honorable judge presiding,
A medal of honor, and an honorable discharge.
It's this artifice that's the culprit. It's this
Business-as-usual attitude. It's
Strangers soapboxing pulpits, thinking that a
Tirade’s what attracts punditry.
It’s parents selling you a magic rabbit’ll be
Breaking into kitchens in the night and gradually
Hiding all the dozens that you dyed in excise for a
Chocolate consolation prize, all for
Christ. And we can all laugh at that but
Only after the fact has passed. And that’s the gaff.
If I should have no home excepting the road,
Blame not the sounds of those seventy-six trombones.
Take all my implements. Tether my wits.
Tell them my rhetoric’s rabid with expletives.
Tell me my mind’s escaped. Tell me I’m safe.
Sever the man from “make”. Then I’ll cooperate.
Render the precious pens penchant in chest
Deaf to the beck and call of all other audience
And I’ll like you best.